My Reaction to My Immortal
by LeLuvTrianglePenguinGiraffe'nI
Summary: It has been done before, but here I am to do it again! Bashing of the infamous fanfic my immortal! I don't think I'm really funny, and I feel like I'm ranting in the comments, but some of you might find it amusing to see me suffer, so come in to see a girl with ADHD comment about goffikness ;) *bold letters are finally fixed!*


This is my commenting on the horrible story My Immortal. Now I know it has been done like ttimes million times before, but never by me *wink, evil grin.*

So, I will start this by letting you all know that I am and will always be eternally grateful over the fact that I'm not the poor soul who wrote My Immortal and that I hope my brain cells don't die over the period of time I will spend reading and commenting on this.

I will try to make my comments on bold or italics so you guys don't get confused with the story and all that.

Now, let the games begin!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Chapters 1 & 2

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! **you know, I HIGHLY doubt of the existence of that Justin dude... A pet maybe? A cat..? This chick doesn't seem like the kind of girl that would have a puppy.**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

**who the fuck names their kid Dark'ness Dementia?! I mean, Ebony sounds like it would be a decent name if you had black hair or whatever- it's a Snow White kind of thing you know, how she was named that because she was "snow white" when she was born- but the rest...? O_O**

and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)

**duh.**

with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears

**...what are limpid tears...? O.o**

and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee

**that sounds NOTHING like Amy Lee**

(AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)

**man, aggressive much?**

I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.

***Cough* incest! *cough***

I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.

**Why does that not surprise me...?**

I have pale white skin.

**As opposed to all the other vampires that like to hang out at the beach and have this Jersey Shore tan that Snooki would be jealous of.**

I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England

**I am never good remembering locations of anything, but wasn't Hogwarts in Scotland or did they suddenly decided to change their address?**

where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell)

**I am sure that the people who are actually Goth find the fact that you think you are one of them very offensive. Or hilarious. Probably hilarious.**

and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there.

**You know, I'm not Goth -I'm more of a "undefined"- but I am sure they don't all worship Hot Topic like this crazy girl does. Besides, she's a witch, she's not supposed to know what that muggle store is anyway!**

For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.

**So the underlined text is the crap that she is wearing. Which she always describes. I will save you guys some brain cells and I shall underline all the crappy clothes descriptions of her Mary-Sueish character! *thumbs up***

I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining

**How can it snow and rain at the same time...? Before I damage my poor brain thinking too much on this one I will just assume that what she is trying to say is slush.**

so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

**I wish I was as nice and friendly as her, I mean she seems like the kind of girl that everybody loves! *forced smile while eye twitches***

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was….

**DRAMATIC UNNECESSARY PAUSE TO ADD UP UNNECESSARY SUSPENSE!**

Draco Malfoy!

**It keeps getting better and better, right folks?**

"What's up Draco?" I asked

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

**Okay, for someone who's such a "badass" she seems to have no spine at all.**

AN: IS it good?

**uh... Yeahhhhh... O.O**

PLZ tell me fangz!

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

**Well, since I'm not a goth... Am I considered a prep? :D**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom.

**When did she get there?**

It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin

**sweet baby jesus... *facepalm***

and drank some blood from a bottle I had.

***double facepalm***

My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends.

**I will try to go to a place where they make coffins and caskets and ask them if they would make a custom made coffin like that so I can burn it along with my hopes of this story every getting better.**

I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

**My dearest Ebony, nobody gives a rats ass about what you are wearing. With all the love I could summon for an unfortunate and illiterate soul like yours, Karen.**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.

**This sounds like something someone would do on a hair commercial or a make up ad. *easy, breezy, beautiful. Cover girl***

She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots.

**No, Ebony, no one cares about what Willow is wearing either.**

We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

**Ew. OUR make up? They SHARE their make up. Gross, I would share eye shadow, but when it comes to eyeliner, lipstick and all the other non powdery stuff... Nasty.**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

**I don't know why, but this feels like something Lavender Brown would say..**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

**You're a vampire. You don't blush. It's not biologically possible for you to blush!**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

**Figures, she would soil the good name of Salazar Slytherin...**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

**Pshh, yeah right.**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed.

**Ha! Even her friend knows she's in denial.**

Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

**Ebony and Draco sitting In a tree...**

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

**... K-I-S-S-I-N-G...**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

**Poor Draco doesn't know what he got himself into...**

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Chapters 3 & 4

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK!

**Nah, this is just too fun in a very sick sick way haha**

odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws!

**I am very sure those people who left "good reviews" were being sarcastic...**

FANGS AGEN RAVEN!

**Raven get your shit together and tell your friend that her story will be her ultimate online humiliation and that she will probably never forget about this.**

oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.

**Long story short, she is wearing the same shit as always but in different colors.**

I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.

**That self esteem is so high it rivals one of a confident strong independent woman who no need no man. **

I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC.

**But- but- she can't bleed! She's a vampire for heavens sake! **

I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

**That doesn't sound very sanitary to me...**

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

**You know, I know some girls are into the eyeliner in guys and nail polish and all, but personally I would like a guy who has less cosmetics on than me.**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

**The date hasn't even started and she's depressed already.**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666)

***facepalm***

and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.

**...Because the use of drugs just let's you know that everything will come out perfectly fine on this date.**

When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood

They're all so happy you've arrived

The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom

She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

**Due to the lack of spelling errors, I KNOW that you don't own those lyrics.**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

**One does not simply point out now hot some other guy is when we are out on a date.. on more cheerful news: I didn't know there was a club in Hogsmeade! Man, that Rowling forgetting to let us know all the cool details about that small and cozy little village!**

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

**...I wonder why...**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

**-_-'**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

**Yeaaaah right *lol***

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

**Gee, she doesn't sound bitter and resentful at all. I kind of get the hint that she doesn't like blondes. I wonder if she doesn't like tanned people as well?**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time.

**If making your date feel like shit counts as a great time, then yeah, I'm sure she did. **

So did Draco.

**...**

After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz,

**how does one crawl back into a car? haha is it kind of like that girl from the Grudge going down the stairs and shit?**

but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into…

***drumroll***

the Forbidden Forest!

***TUN TUN TUUUUUUUUNNN!***

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY

**Ebony's name is ENOBY. Just let that one sink in for a moment there.**

nut mary su OK!

**A symptom of having a Mary Sue character is getting defensive when other people tell you that your character is a Mary Sue. **

DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

**They have only talked TWICE before the concert! How's that meant to be? How is that love? EXPLAIN IT WOMAN/GIRL/CHILD/WHATEVER!**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

**That's a proper reaction! I give her props for not misspelling anything on that sentence! **

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

**...How does one go from curiosity to hostility in such a short period of time?**

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

**Because depressive sorrow and evilness is just what every girl needs to find in the eyes of the guy she loves... *Sigh* Ah, how romantic.**

And then…

***sudden unnecessary pause to create suspence***

suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

***romantic cheesy music playing in the background* that was so horribly written.. it is just too funny to say anything more and it makes me wonder the age of the person who wrote this.**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

***DRUMROLL***

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….Dumbledore!

**Now THAT was unexpected! Hilarious, but unexpected nonetheless. Oh Lord, I would pay all of my life savings just to hear Dumbledore say that...**

**Well this is it for tonight folks, my brain has been turned to mush and I probably need to go and sleep and rest and... Well you get my drift. I will update again tomorrow night, or the night after tomorrow. Tell me your thoughts on My Immortal, on what you agree or disagree with me, and if you come here to defend Tara... Amuse me ;)**

**Love, Karen.**


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